If you follow this site at all, you’ve likely noticed a pattern. There’ll be a brief period where updates come semi-regularly, at least to the point where this site appears alive, and then I’ll drop off the face of the earth for weeks, if not months. For the past week, I’ve been climbing out of another Bi-Polar induced valley/ crater, where between late June through July, along with the first week or so of August, I had to deal with a depressive episode. It’s taken me a while to get my life back on track again, to socialize and even longer to refocus on getting work done. Especially in terms of this blog, which despite being therapeutic at times, has certainly taken a backseat while I prepare to self-publish a novel. Ideally I’d like to produce a steady stream of content for this site, but it has proven difficult.
I grow frustrated of being excited about a project, working my ass off on it, and then hitting a depressive phase which, at best freezes all progress, and at worst destroys all progress. I am happy to say though that the depressive cycle is better than it was, I’m on a lot of medication now, and it has softened the cycle somewhat. I say softened, in that I was not suicidally depressed these past couple of months, a pleasant change from the depression of last January. However- it is still depression. It still threatens to destroy my life in some ways. To be specific my Bi-polar disorder is ‘Type-2’, where my depression is more destructive than my mania, which is technically ‘hypomania’, in that I might be up but not up enough to max out my credit card or ruin my life. Unfortunately the high is also dulled under medication, but right now that seems like the price to pay to not be trying to kill myself.
I know that occasionally I’ve written about my frustration on the condition here. I don’t quite feel like doing that now. I think- I know that some people do follow this blog, and I wanted to at least update the front page to let people know what’s going on, because it was starting to look like (at least for me) that the project was abandoned. Part of that is certainly the depression, part of that is the incoming novel that I mentioned (I don’t have a release date yet, but hope to soon).
That’s not to say I haven’t been thinking about what I would like to write about. Terry Pratchett’s novel The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents and its use of narrative is something I’ve wanted to write on for some time. I’d also like to expand on my recent article, and describe how I believe that self-insertion is the most important way that various highly successful media resonates with audiences. I’ve also considered publishing serialized fiction, another project I’ve been working on for quite some time when I can (and I now have enough to have a solid writing/ editing/ release pattern). Also the game Drakengard 3 on PS3 intrigues me, in that I’ve been playing it recently, and it’s an ugly game that I kinda like, and feels like Lightning Returns; feels within that range of ugly beauty.
In summation- being bi-polar isn’t something I’d wish on my enemies. But at least I’ve weathered the storm, and am well on my way to piecing things together yet again. They say that life is a constant series of building up, and tearing down, but I do wish it weren’t this constant.