The comments written about this video are indicative of why even quality statements like this no longer matter, truth and non-partisan opinion are no longer considered within our societal discourses. Even an appeal to non-partisanship, an objective evaluation of Trump’s actions, are taken as a Democratic attack on Trump. You can see comments where people immediately claim that Obama is just as narcissistic, that Hillary would have been just as bad. There is an unwillingness to examine one’s own beliefs, or perhaps more accurately, an unwillingness to accept that just because both sides are flawed, does not mean that your side’s flaws are acceptable.
Not because of any responses I’ve gotten over it, but more because I think I processed what I needed to. Or at least in the way I needed to. I wanted to write about my masochism, and how I truly am in a situation where I cannot feel physical pleasure- and so finding joy within pain has become both the worst and best thing that ever happened to me. But, while I have found, and continue to find, a lot of value in processing through writing (it is what I do after all), I find I’m more comfortable by exploring other avenues. In fact, I recently wrote a novel and am currently trying to publish it, and it contains a lot of events inspired by my own- but that’s how writers write, we weave fiction and experience together into character and prose.
If you follow this site at all, you’ve likely noticed a pattern. There’ll be a brief period where updates come semi-regularly, at least to the point where this site appears alive, and then I’ll drop off the face of the earth for weeks, if not months. For the past week, I’ve been climbing out of another Bi-Polar induced valley/ crater, where between late June through July, along with the first week or so of August, I had to deal with a depressive episode. It’s taken me a while to get my life back on track again, to socialize and even longer to refocus on getting work done. Especially in terms of this blog, which despite being therapeutic at times, has certainly taken a backseat while I prepare to self-publish a novel. Ideally I’d like to produce a steady stream of content for this site, but it has proven difficult.
I’ve had a few articles in my drafts folder and would like to do something with them, but a few weeks ago I entered the final stages of completing a novel and it has consumed my soul. More than I was ever anticipating. It’s turned from a curiosity to one of the most involving, personal, and cathartic experiences of my writing career. At this point I’m spending my time between classes at night, and then coming home at 22:00 to write until 03:00ish. It has given me a lot to think about, but until this goddamn book is done/ abandoned (my mother’s an author, among her advice to me was: “Novels aren’t finished, they’re abandoned.”) I’m tied up. If all goes according to schedule, it’ll be done within 30 days. Actually far ahead of when I thought I’d be finishing it, but I didn’t anticipate it being all consuming.
A few weeks ago I got my chance to present my paper ‘Newly Inked Narratives’, and among the questions I was asked afterwards was: “Do you believe that tattoo ink, which rests within skin (the barrier you mentioned earlier), is significant at a time when binaries and boundaries (particularly gender) are being blurred and stripped away?” My response was: “It is certainly symbolic, it has certainly been my experience that many who place significance in tattoos are establishing their identities outside of the gender binary.” That is true, however it implies a personal political stance that is not mine. I believe in discourse, and respect, and the person asking the question I respect greatly. I knew going into the ins and outs of my politics was not appropriate there (nor suitably applicable), however it is here.
I never intended for this to become a personal blog, but I like having this corner of the internet (that people stumble over while looking for FFXIII smut) to write about what matters. I’ll cut to the chase: On January 19th, 2015 I was hospitalized for my own safety because I knew I was going to kill myself. I was treated for a couple days, then released. On January 29th I attempted suicide.
Cops, drugs, booze, Kushiel’s Dart, Kill la Kill, BDSM, needles and blood! This day had it all. So my day begins with a cop standing above me (while I lay on my apartment floor drunk) asking me the plot to Kushiel’s Dart. She had read a note that I hadn’t intended to show, but they found while rifling through my things. This is while another cop asks me about why I have a big ass knife (which I told them to expect) by my bed. I then had to go into detail about what ‘BDSM’ means. I swear I’ll get back to talking about media soon. I have a project in the works, and actually the end of this article gave me an idea.
This post was originally going to be automated, titled my name and the numbers: 1987-2015. It was also going to contain a long letter explaining the reasons for that. Instead in the last moments I had myself escorted to, and voluntary checked in to a psychiatric ward. This site is often therapy for me and I hope to return shortly- however my brain has been in no condition to deal with things right now. Humour helps, so I will say that it’s a shame that letter will never be made public, because apparently it’s eloquent and beautiful (according to various psychiatric staff). Just my luck; I write a true tour de force, and it’s a suicide note. – Jaydra
While I ponder what I want to wax poetically on and analyze next, Campster’s ‘Errant Signal’ series on YouTube put up a video on Saints Row IV and ‘kitsch’. Specifically exploring how the game looks back on populist, mass produced media and explores what about them people love and why. It’s a good natured discussion on a good natured game, and a reminder of why I wanted to make a website like this in the first place. So much so that I wanted to link it here. If you want to support Errant Signal, here’s its Patreon link. I’ve been following the series for some time now and there’s some great stuff there. I particularly like his videos on Politics in Games, and Doom.